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February 15th, 2015
 

Kevin’s Korner: Wherefore Art Thou Straw Poll, Biden’s Buddies and Rose the Super-Villain

straw poll crowd

Greetings and welcome to Kevin’s Korner. Wise men ne’er sit and wail their loss, but cheerily seek how to redress their harms.

The 2015 Iowa Straw Poll will either return to Iowa State or be held at Drake, the Central Iowa Expo in Boone or the Iowa Speedway in Newton. Which would you prefer?

I think they should hold it at the Iowa Speedway and the candidates could race each other around the track in their campaign vehicles. I wonder how the Chuck Truck would hold up against those gaudy tour buses the big money candidates will cruise around in.

I’d like to make a snarky comment about Joe Biden calling former Iowa Congressman Neal Smith his “butt buddy”, but I really am at a loss for words. Something Biden never seems to be:

I think Iowa Gif-t Shop sums up Crazy Uncle Joe’s latest the best.

Where’s Hillary? While the Ready for Hillary minions are slavering over Queen Hillary, her long delayed return to our First-in-the-Nation caucus state is apparently due to the former secretary of state brushing up on foreign policy … Yes, really … Because almost four years acting essentially as our minister of foreign affairs has not prepared Hillary enough …

That’s probably because Hillary didn’t make a single achievement during her four years as SoS, but plenty of blunders, and she’s desperately running away from Obama’s failed foreign policy …

obama selfie

Speaking of President Selfie, what was he doing just hours after learning another American was killed by ISIS? What else. Taking selfies. Because apparently Barack Obama thinks it’s more important to dumb down the most prestigious office in the world to appeal to brainless millennials than to show some respect for the office he holds and to an American massacred by the our enemies, Islamic radicals.

Meanwhile, in their fervor to attack Scott Walker, the arrogant Democrats are busy denigrating everyone who never graduated from college. I think this is a brilliant strategy by the elitist libs. A guaranteed winner. By all means, please continue this approach through November 2016.

bacon

Best news of the week: It turns out cholesterol from bacon, the greatest food in the world, isn’t all that bad for you. Awesome … I was so pumped about this …

Then I read that Congressman Steve King wants to repeal the Bacon-Davis Act. My immediate reaction: Why does Congressman King hate bacon? … What? … Oh. It’s the Davis-Bacon Act and I don’t think it means what I think it means. Know what I mean?

South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham is coming to Iowa to test the presidential waters. And my only response is, why? … Here Senator Graham, take a look at what the waters look like in Iowa for your presidential aspirations:

Hilton water

Actually, that was the water from my less than spectacular Vegas Hilton hotel room Saturday night. But Graham’s chances are even murkier than that sludge.

AMC decided to run Titanic over and over on Valentine’s Day. I don’t understand why they would celebrate the biggest villain in movie history on a day that is supposed to be all about love. I’m talking, of course, about…Rose

rose titanic

Seriously. Rose is pure evil. I know I’m not the first one to mention this, but think about it … She wants to kill herself because she can’t stand the thought of being married to a wealthy man who will save her family from debt. She cheats on her fiancée with Jack, then places a naked picture of herself painted by Jack where she knows her fiancée will find it and likely want to kill Jack, placing him in serious danger …

Rose then distracts the ship lookouts who are supposed to keeping an eye out for sea hazards, like icebergs, resulting in the Titanic hitting an iceberg, sinking it and causing the deaths of 1,500 people. She then hogs the floating debris for herself when there is plenty of room for Jack, too, so her supposed beloved begins to freeze to death. Rose then promises Jack she will never let go, but promptly lets go to save herself, as he turns into an icicle and sinks to the bottom of the north Atlantic

Finally, she throws a priceless gem into ocean when it could have been used to permanently secure her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildrens’ financial well being … Rose is as foul a temptress as there has ever been in any movie. Evil to the core.

Happy Valentine’s weekend!

That’s it for this week. Thanks for dropping by. See first that the design is wise and just; that ascertained, pursue it resolutely.


About the Author

Kevin Hall
Kevin Hall brings almost two decades of journalistic experience to TheIowaRepublican. Starting in college as a radio broadcaster, Hall eventually became a television anchor/reporter for stations in North Carolina, Missouri, and Iowa. During the 2007 caucus cycle, Hall changed careers and joined the political realm. He was the northwest Iowa field director for Fred Thompson's presidential campaign. Hall helped Terry Branstad return to the governor's office by organizing southwest Iowa for Branstad's 2010 campaign. Hall serves as a reporter/columnist for TheIowaRepublican.com.




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