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December 29th, 2013
 

Kevin’s Korner: New Year’s Resolutions for the Political World

Greetings and welcome to Kevin’s Korner. Don’t bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself.

As the New Year approaches, I thought it would be an opportune time to make some resolutions. Since most political folk are busy with other stuff, I provide this service free of charge. You’re welcome.

Barack Obama: I would resolve to keep taking tasteless selfies, violating the Constitution and playing golf as often as possible. Very presidential of you.

Bruce Braley: I would resolve to keep flipping and flopping on the issues and boasting about your role in thrusting Obamacare on us, just like you did throughout 2013.

The 16,000 Iowans who have to sign up for Obamacare again: I would resolve to direct your ire at Congressman Bruce Braley. He sold you this false bill of goods.

Brad Zaun in Newton

Brad Zaun: I would resolve to hire a top-flight fundraiser if you make another run for Congress. Zaun appears to be leaning toward another run. His struggles raising money last time presented a huge barrier in responding to Gollum Boswell’s scurrilous attacks. The GOP nominee will need to raise millions to win this seat. 

Tom Latham: I would resolve to try to leave a conservative legacy during my last year in Congress.

Steve King: I would resolve keep speaking my mind and pissing off the PC police.

bvpkk

Bob Vander Plaats: No matter how tempting it might be, I would resolve to never run for elected office again. You won’t win and you’re in a much better position as the “kingmaker” than as a six-time failed candidate. (Yes, six: 2002, ’06, ’10 primaries, 2006 general election and 2010 state convention. One more would make six.)

Iowa Republicans: I would resolve to do everything possible to make this November a tidal wave election. That means winning the U.S. Senate and Third Congressional District races, and finally regaining control of the Iowa Senate. This cannot be done without a total team effort. Time to ante up and kick in.

People who scream “First Amendment” over issues like the Duck Dynasty/A&E brouhaha: I would resolve to actually read the First Amendment and attempt to comprehend it.

Branstad laughing

Terry Branstad: I would resolve to run harder than I have in all my previous campaigns, despite the inferior competition. Don’t just win. Win by a couple of touchdowns.

Jack Hatch: I would resolve to hold more rallies surrounded by animal feces, praying for more abortions and telling Iowans all your ideas came from someone else. Brilliant strategy.

Joni Ernst and Matt Whitaker: If the final fundraising report of 2013 shows you are unable to compete financially in the U.S. Senate primary, I would resolve to strongly reconsider if that race is the best one to run in. There are other, more attainable seats that might be better suited for you.

Spiker and Rand Paul

Rand Paul: I would resolve to decide whether you are a libertarian or a social conservative. There are thousands of reasons why you can’t be both.

Paulistinians: I’d resolve to drop the self-righteous, indignant bull excrement about how you’re “trying to grow the party” and being all about the platform. Your 2012-13 moves were all about gaining power. Man up and own it. And put down the Ron Paul bong.

Big Liberty: I would resolve cut ties with everyone involved in the Sorenson ethics fiasco. That includes your idol Dr. Paul, who lied about it on national TV. Of course, if everyone involved is out, who would that leave?

Republicans in Contested Primaries:  I would resolve to remember the true enemy is the democrat, not your fellow Republicans.

Republican Party of Iowa leadership: I would resolve to focus on winning elections, up and down the ballot. Period.

Hillary Cornholio

Hillary Clinton: I would resolve to keep sending my minions to Iowa, while avoiding any personal appearances by myself. The more Queen Hillary treats 2016 as a coronation, not an election, the more disenchanted with her Iowa Dems will become with her.

Matt Schultz: I would resolve to keep fighting the good fight.

Staci Appel: I would resolve to whine as much as possible about other dems entering the Third Congressional District race.

Tom Harkin: I would resolve to go to my Bahamas home and never come back. Good riddance.

Jack Whitver and family

Jack Whitver: I would resolve to think long and hard about pursuing the congressional seat being vacated by Tom Latham. Whitver told me two days ago he was 50/50 in terms of running for it. He would make a great candidate and is one our brightest young GOP stars. However, he might have a tough time winning the GOP primary and Whitver is up for reelection in the state senate in 2014. This might not be the right time.

The Tea Party: I would resolve not to screw up 2014 by making the perfect the enemy of the good. We have a terrific chance to regain the U.S. Senate majority next year. Don’t screw it up.

Des Moines Register: I would resolve to attempt some balanced coverage. Your recent, totally one-sided attack on Matt Schultz was shameless, as is your propping up of his opponent.

TIR Readers: I would resolve to have a healthy, happy New Year and make this one the best yet for you and yours.

That’s it for this week. Thanks for dropping by. Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it.

Photos by Dave Davidson, Prezography.com


About the Author

Kevin Hall
Kevin Hall brings almost two decades of journalistic experience to TheIowaRepublican. Starting in college as a radio broadcaster, Hall eventually became a television anchor/reporter for stations in North Carolina, Missouri, and Iowa. During the 2007 caucus cycle, Hall changed careers and joined the political realm. He was the northwest Iowa field director for Fred Thompson's presidential campaign. Hall helped Terry Branstad return to the governor's office by organizing southwest Iowa for Branstad's 2010 campaign. Hall serves as a reporter/columnist for TheIowaRepublican.com.




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