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December 22nd, 2013

Kevin’s Korner: A Christmas Tale (v. 2013)

‘Twas four days before Christmas,

And all through the state,

Republicans were salivating,

About their electoral fate.


2014 is approaching,

A mid-term election year,

Because of Obamacare’s failures,

Democrats are in fear.


Bruce Braley is hiding,

Flipping and flopping,

He thinks Iowans will forget,

But we’re not stopping.


He was against letting you keep your insurance,

Before he was for it,

He had a chance to protect Iowans,

But chose to ignore it.


Braley is John Kerry Version 2,

An ultra-liberal clone,

If we expose his shabby record,

He won’t claim Harkin’s throne.


So now Clovis! Now Ernst!

Now, Jacobs and Young,

On Whitaker and whoever else,

The Braleycare bell must be rung.


Let’s get this battle brewing,

Any of those five will be strong,

Bruce Braley lied to us all,

He knows he done us wrong.


Obamacare is a disaster,

Barack and Bruce sold it with a big lie,

“If you like your plan you can keep it”,

But the insurance companies said “Bye”.


Four million people lost their plans,

That Barry and Bruce said they could keep,

Obama’s poll numbers are plummeting,

Bruce’s troubles are getting deep.


Tom Latham is retiring,

And we wish him good cheer,

A dedicated public servant

Who leaves after next year.


Latham’s seat will be open,

There will be a mad dash,

Who can win the primaries,

And raise loads of cash?


Dems will chew up Appel,

She was their sacrificial lamb,

They knew they couldn’t beat Latham,

Her candidacy was a sham.


Now they’ll run someone stronger,

To try to win back the seat,

Using slimy Boswellesque tactics,

But they’ll still face defeat.


The Vilsacks won’t run,

Although the Register wants them to,

They’re creatures off D.C.,

And will stay in that zoo.


Iowa Republicans’ bench is stronger,

We have the upper hand,

A much better array of candidates,

Who aren’t afraid to take a stand.


Tyler Olson for Governor is toast,

And the Dems are left with Hatching Jacks,

He’s got plenty of n-bombs and animal poo,

It’s ideas of his own Hatch lacks.


Now Janet Petersen might run,

She’s Olson’s friend and pal,

Together they prayed for more abortions,

Worshipping murder most foul.


Branstad will roll to victory,

Achieving a monumental feat,

The longest serving governor in history,

The man won’t ever be beat.


The Paulistinians’ reign is ending,

For them defeat is nigh,

We’ll send them back to their basements,

Wearing tinfoil hats and getting high.


They fooled folks two years ago,

By hiding who they are,

But their deceits have been exposed,

And Big Liberty won’t go far.


Hillary hates Iowa,

She won’t even visit our state,

Sending her lackeys instead,

They keep saying she’s so great.


They demand Iowa Dems vote for her,

Whether they like it or not,

Because Hillary hates campaigning,

But desires presidential power. A lot.


Will Dems just follow orders,

And coronate a new queen,

Or find some testicular fortitude,

And discover the next Howard Dean?


The GOP will bounce back,

From the ashes we will rise,

2012 was the lowest of lows,

2014, the limit’s in the skies.


So have faith my fellow Republicans,

Conservatives, and moderates too,

We have much reason for optimism,

Oh, and a very Merry Christmas to you.

About the Author

Kevin Hall
Kevin Hall brings almost two decades of journalistic experience to TheIowaRepublican. Starting in college as a radio broadcaster, Hall eventually became a television anchor/reporter for stations in North Carolina, Missouri, and Iowa. During the 2007 caucus cycle, Hall changed careers and joined the political realm. He was the northwest Iowa field director for Fred Thompson's presidential campaign. Hall helped Terry Branstad return to the governor's office by organizing southwest Iowa for Branstad's 2010 campaign. Hall serves as a reporter/columnist for

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