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December 23rd, 2012

Kevin’s Korner: A Christmas Tale (Or a Few)

‘Twas two nights before Christmas, and all through the land,
Iowa Republicans were worrying, about their name brand,
The party was taken over, by the Paulistinian crew,
They seized all the power with a bloodthirsty coup.

Taking all the delegates, the central committee and the chair,
How the rest of us felt, they hadn’t a care,
The chairman promised unity, and full support of Mitt,
But the RNC votes proved, A.J. was full of s___.

So now he’s up for reelection, seeking a second term,
And the SCC hacks, seemingly have not learned,
Fundraising is down, the registration edge is through,
His first tenure, a disaster. Now they’re giving him two.

They take credit for others’ success, but say faults elsewhere lie,
“It wasn’t A.J.’s fault. Blame it on the previous guy.”
But Strawn is more popular, and respected by most,
Another year like the last one, and RPI will be toast.

We lost in November, a rout from the start,
Republicans are wondering, how it all fell apart.
Democrats with their goodies, bought lots of votes,
Free healthcare and food stamps, free cell phones and coats.

We wanted to beat Gronstal, or at least take his power,
November 6, 2012, not our finest hour,
All our bills will be blocked, good legislation stalled,
Knowing the Dems’ liberal agenda, we should all be appalled.

We want property tax reform, and an income tax cut,
Legislation to protect life, those bills will stay shut.
Nothing new will happen, we elected the status quo,
Accomplishments will be minimal, disenchantment will grow.

So now we look forward, 2014 lies ahead,
A chance to beat Harkin, and turn the state red.
Branstad will run again, his Dem challenge will be mild,
A bigger concern: our state convention. That’s sure to be wild.

The Paulistinians will try, to force their own into the slot,
That Kim Reynolds now holds. Will BVP give it a shot?
We know he and the Paulbots, share a lust for power,
But unlike many of them, BVP will sometimes shower.

The Ronulans took control, because no one else tried,
Their true allegiance and motives, they did their best to hide,
But it won’t happen again, we’re onto their tricks,
The state party will fail, but the rest we can fix.

Spiker lied to us all, and picked a fight with the guv,
A.J. bows down to Ron Paul, sends him flowers with love,
All the while it’s others, that pull A.J.’s strings,
Ivers, Fischer and C4L, the chairman kisses their rings.

Republicans will work around them, and take control back,
They’ll use their naïve new blogger, to counterattack,
While Iowa’s Westboro Republicans and Paulistinians unite,
The so-cons, fi-cons (the sensible ones), will engage in the fight.

So fret not conservatives, be of good cheer,
We wiil claim our party, starting next year.
A.J. and his masters think they have all the power,
But organizing will begin, at a very early hour.

Up in the Oval Office, our liberal president sits,
A fiscal cliff on the horizon, should be giving him fits.
The media will blame the Republicans, the “Tea Party” in the House,
Boehner looks awfully weak, less power than a mouse.

Thank goodness for true conservatives, like our good Congressman King,
His resounding defeat of Vilsack, made all our hearts sing,
One of our few triumphs, in a year of defeat,
If King stays in the House, he will never be beat.

Who can top Harkin? Will Commie Tommie run?
Braley hopes he doesn’t. He’s the Dems’ Chosen One.
We need a good candidate, who one can really win,
Here’s an idea: Could Tom Latham get in?

Obama and the liberals, they want to take the guns,
From U.S. citizens, but we’re the only ones.
Those guns you gave Libyan extremists, Syrian rebels, Mexican drug lords,
They used ‘em to kill Americans. Democrats are out of their gourds.

It’s typical lib hypocrisy, knowing zero bounds,
But beating these godless heathens, will take 15 rounds,
What they don’t realize, is by the mass, our hearts are in the trim,
We should not compromise principles. We’ll stick to them, sink or swim.

I bet the NRA reads Kevin’s Korner, since I suggested last week,
An armed cop in every school, is the protection we seek.
Now, it’s their suggestion, as liberals howl and moan,
Blaming everyone but the shooter, when the fault is his own.

Is Hillary faking concussions? Kerry is new secretary of state,
She’s ducking Benghazi hearings, but the truth is worth the wait.
Hillary will be back in Iowa, her eye on 2016,
But she failed us in Libya, her record is far from clean.

We’ve got a bright future, many solid candidates of our own,
Jindal, Ryan, Rubio…Christie? His chances are blown.
The GOP will come back, stronger than ever before,
No more Mitt Romneys, we don’t need another bore.

We need a true conservative, someone to unite all the clans,
Like Robert the Bruce in “Braveheart”. Freedom has lots of fans.
A candidate with a strong message, who can deliver it with zeal,
Rand Paul, Santorum, Cucciinelli…someone to make liberals squeal.

So to all a Merry Christmas, this is the end of my rhyme,
I’d write a little more, but why waste the time?
It’s a season of friends and family, of peace and of hope,
So be joyous in yours, but Paulistinians, lay off the dope.


About the Author

Kevin Hall
Kevin Hall brings almost two decades of journalistic experience to TheIowaRepublican. Starting in college as a radio broadcaster, Hall eventually became a television anchor/reporter for stations in North Carolina, Missouri, and Iowa. During the 2007 caucus cycle, Hall changed careers and joined the political realm. He was the northwest Iowa field director for Fred Thompson's presidential campaign. Hall helped Terry Branstad return to the governor's office by organizing southwest Iowa for Branstad's 2010 campaign. Hall serves as a reporter/columnist for

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