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December 25th, 2011

Kevin’s Korner: Christmas Edition

Merry Christmas and welcome to Kevin’s Korner. I hope you and your loved ones have a wonderful day and are able to take time to remember what this season is all about.

In the spirit of the season, I’m giving presents to those in the political world that deserve them. Whether you’re naughty or nice, you might make my list.

To Barack Obama: A long vacation that does not cost the taxpayers a dime. I figure it is coming in January 2013, but if you’d like to start sooner, that’s fine with us.

To Mark Block: An intervention. When you start pacing 40 minutes after your last smoke because you need your nicotine fix, it’s time to quit.

To Ron Paul: A stronger adhesive for those caterpillars you use for eyebrows.

To Ron Paul supporters: Sanity.

To the Occupy protestors: A bar of soap and a dose of self-respect. Then you might be able to show some respect for others instead shouting them down.

To Michele Bachmann: A watch set 15 minutes ahead of the actual time, or 45 minutes ahead of Bachmann Standard Time (HT to JohnDeeth). That way, you might show up when you’re scheduled to for campaign events.

To Kent Sorenson: An industrial-sized container of Sanka. Senator, you’re a tad too volatile at times and you need to mellow out a little. Perhaps switching to decaf will help.

To Christie Vilsack: Even more support from your liberal friends John Kerry, Nancy Pelosi and George Soros. Those three are real popular in northwest Iowa.

To Herman Cain: A dose of reality. You keep saying you want to be Secretary of Defense. Good grief. Really? Herm, you’re a smart guy but have shown over and over that you know nothing about foreign policy. When you say things like you want to be in charge of our military, it doesn’t make you look so smart.

To Iowa’s evangelical political activists: Some fresh Democrat meat to chew on, because right now you are cannibalizing each other. The vitriol coming from some is unseemly, un-Christian and self-destructive. If the nonsense does not stop now, the effects could linger long after the presidential circus leaves town.

To The Family Leader: Some consistency. You hyped your endorsement for 11 months and put all the candidates through a dog and pony show, only to proclaim you are not “kingmakers”, but “standard bearers”. If that’s the case, you should have said so in the beginning. Now, your lack of a group endorsement looks like a cop out. Which is exactly what it is.

To Steve King and Tom Latham: Crushing defeats of Christie Vilsack and Leonard Boswell next year.

To Me: All I want for Christmas is for Drew Brees to post 46 points for the second straight week so my fantasy football team has a chance to rally from its 53 point deficit and win the Grassley Championship Trophy for the second straight year.

To the Kevin’s Korner readers who tell me I’m funny: Funny how? Like I’m a clown? I amuse you?

To Wendy Jensen: In honor of our sweet, departed friend, I’d like the Iowa GOP to create an annual award to the Iowa Republican Volunteer of the Year, named after Wendy. She deserves to be memorialized in such a way. Kudos to Iowa State College Republican Jeremy Freeman for suggesting it.

To Iowa’s College Republican groups: A year free of attacks from loony, liberal professors.

To our troops overseas in harm’s way: Our undying gratitude. You deserve nothing less.

To Tim Pawlenty: A mulligan. Your strategists blew it when they wasted everything on the Ames Straw Poll. You might even be viable now.

To Jon Huntsman and Mitt Romney: I give you exactly what you deserve. Nothing.

To Kim Jong Il: From your new home in the seventh circle of hell, a nice view of a movie screen that constantly loops scenes from “Team America”.

To Peter Jackson: The same movie-making magic for “The Hobbit” that made “The Lord of the Rings” trilogy so awesome.

To Newt Gingrich: A mind for organizing that matches your vast knowledge of history and policy. You should not be “still putting our campaign together” two weeks before the Iowa Caucus.

To Rick Santorum: A session with Crash Davis or good ol’ JR on how to speak in soundbites. You’re a nice guy, Senator, but too verbose at times.

To Iowa’s GOP County Central Committees: A peaceful and well-organized caucus process. I know January 3 will be hectic and I know some counties can use extra help from volunteers. If you are available to lend a hand, please do.

To my friends (both of ‘em), family and all readers: A happy, healthy and prosperous year, filled with much love and joy.

Photo by Dave Davidson,

About the Author

Kevin Hall
Kevin Hall brings almost two decades of journalistic experience to TheIowaRepublican. Starting in college as a radio broadcaster, Hall eventually became a television anchor/reporter for stations in North Carolina, Missouri, and Iowa. During the 2007 caucus cycle, Hall changed careers and joined the political realm. He was the northwest Iowa field director for Fred Thompson's presidential campaign. Hall helped Terry Branstad return to the governor's office by organizing southwest Iowa for Branstad's 2010 campaign. Hall serves as a reporter/columnist for

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