Oh come on, you didn’t think I was actually going to quit did you? I figured since everybody else was “resigning” from ITR, I might as well join the fun. I guess that means that ITR only has 54,893 members now. The only difference between my resignation and the those that captivated the political establishment last week is that I didn’t have to turn in my car, keys to a condo, and figure out how to live high on the hog without a plush expense account and big salary.
Seriously, what the hell is going on over there?
It seemed only appropriate that David Stanley’s Passion of ITR began at 3:30 in the afternoon on Good Friday. I bet those people had a fun Easter Holiday. I can hear it now, “How’s work going?” “Work? Yeah, well I resigned by position because I have some great opportunities… I think. Can you give me a ride home?” Now that I think about it this all seems vaguely familiar. Where have I read about spontaneous resignations before?
Anyway, the rumor mill is running wild. The stories about private investigators, suspicious black vans, and tapped phones are just too good to be true. I know the movie, The Social Network, did pretty well in theaters, but these are a bunch of tax nerds we are talking about right? Well tax nerds that say things like “jack-booted Nazis” from time to time. Still, I get a good laugh at this entire soap opera.
Like many of you, my ears perk up when people start talking about ITR. To find out more about what is really going on over there, I reached out to a friend of mine who somehow was able to withstand the wrath of David Stanley. I will not be surprised if this individual will “resign” as Mr. Stanley reads this.
Below is my exclusive interview with Bubble Boy, the star of ITR’s television ads regarding federal deductibility. Bubble Boy also helps the organization with its closed captioning efforts. You can watch his work in the video below.
KK: Dude, how in the hell have you been able to keep your job when everyone else has been fired?
BB: Last week was a real bit@h Krusty. I think the only reason I have been able to survive is that I’m stored in a closet until they need to roll me out for a federal deductibility TV ad. I have not been out of the building for almost two years.
KK: Interesting. So, since you are hanging out in the closet what are you hearing?
BB: Well, to be honest there has been a lot of talk about used cars for sale and purchasing life alerts for all staff members. The office also now has a heavy sent of mothballs. I also heard they are thinking about putting in a lunch buffet with two different kinds of pudding.
KK: Yesterday, Sen. Bill Dotzler suggested that his colleague, Sen. Joe Bolkcom should be considered to take over the leadership of ITR. Do you have thoughts on that?
BB: What a joke. Just because you support the earned income tax credit, which is giving people money that don’t pay taxes, doesn’t make you a tax cutter. Plus Bolkcom was all for getting rid of federal deductibility. Frankly, I can’t believe that a senator would take a point of personal privilege to say that crap. What is this, high school? Wait, maybe he would be a good fit here.
KK: OK, one final question. Will we see you in future ITR TV ads?
BB: My future is uncertain. It seems that Mr. Stanley is adamant that ITR is in good hands, but since the credibility of the organization has taken such a serious blow after the “resignations” over the past week, who knows if it will even exist a year from now. Even if it does, who knows if it will have any influence.
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