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June 18th, 2010

What does Kenny Rogers Have To Do With the GOP Primary? Everything!

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Written by: Krusty Konservative

I told myself that I wasn’t going to write today, but this Branstad/Vander Plaats stuff has me all worked up. I think people are confused about how Branstad really operates, and who he models himself after.

It should come as no surprise that Branstad is simply the political version country music mega-star Kenny Rogers.  If you want to really understand how Branstad rolls, just take a listen to some of the greatest musical works of modern times.

For example, if you want to know how Branstad conducted himself in his meeting with Vander Plaats, listen to the song “Ruby.”  I have modified the lyrics and embedded the video for your viewing pleasure.

You’ve painted up your lips
And rolled and curled your tinted hair
Bobby are you contemplating going out somewhere?
The shadow on the wall tells me the sun is going down
Oh Bobby, don’t take your love to town.

It wasn’t me that started that old crazy Republican war
But I was proud to go and do my patriotic chore
And yes, it’s true that I’m not the man I used to be
Oh, Bobby… I still need some company

It’s hard to love a man whose won eleven straight primaries
And the wants and the needs of someone your age,
Bobby I realize,
But it won’t be long the doctors say until I not around
Oh Bobby, don’t take your love to town

He’s leaving now ’cause I just heard the slamming of the door
The way I know I’ve heard it slam some 100 times before
And if I could move I’d get my gun and put him in the ground
Oh Bobby, don’t take your love to town

Oh Bobby… For God’s sake turn around

Most people think Karl Rove is a political genius, but everyone who is anybody in politics, even Chris Matthews, cite the music of Kenny Rogers as the foundation of their political thought.

The Kenny Rogers phenomenon began in 1978, when he released, “The Gambler.”  I’m told that the song is based off of Ronald Reagan’s decision not to be Gerald Ford’s running mate in 1976.  It makes perfect sense, I think Vander Plaats would be well served to listen to the chorus a few hundred times.

On a warm summers evening, on a train bound for nowhere
I met up with a gambler, we were both too tired to sleep
So we took turns at staring out the window at the darkness
The boredom overtook us and he began to speak

He said, son I’ve made a life out of reading people’s faces
And knowing what the cards were, by the way they held their eyes
So if you don’t mind my sayin’, I can see you’re out of aces
For a taste of your whiskey, I’ll give you some advice

So I handed him my bottle, and he drank down my last swallow
Then he bummed a cigarette and asked me for a light
And the night got deathly quiet, and his face lost all expression
Said, if you’re gonna play the game, boy, you gotta learn to play it right

You got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em
Know when to walk away and know when to run
You never count your money, when you’re sittin’ at the table
There’ll be time enough for countin’, when the dealin’s done

Every gambler knows that the secret to survive is
Knowing what to throw away and knowing what to keep
‘Cos every hand’s a winner and every hand’s a loser
And the best that you can hope for is dyin’ in your sleep

And when he finished speakin’, he turned back for the window
Crushed out the cigarette, faded off to sleep
And somewhere in the darkness, the gambler he broke even
But in his final words I found an ace that I could keep

You got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em
Know when to walk away and know when to run
You never count your money, when you’re sittin’ at the table
There’ll be time enough for countin’, when the dealin’s done

You got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em
Know when to walk away and know when to run
You never count your money, when you’re sittin’ at the table
There’ll be time enough for countin’, when the dealin’s done

While Kenny Roger deserves credit for modern day political thought, he has also had a negative influence.  The dude is so pro-traditional marriage he has had five of them.  Yet it’s hard to stay mad at a dude who can rock a beard like Kenny or a mustache like Branstad.


About the Author

Krusty Konservative
Herschel Krustofski is the pseudonym for the anonymous author of Krusty Konservative, a blog which focuses on Iowa Politics. Created in February of 2006, Krusty Konservative is the undisputed heavyweight champion of the Iowa blogosphere. Since its conception, Krusty Konservative has never shied from tackling controversial issues, and providing insight to the inner workings of Republican politics in Iowa.




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