June 28th, 2010

Unknown Facts About Bob Vander Plaats

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Written by: Krusty Konservative

One of my favorite things to do in life is to mow my lawn. It’s instant gratification. You can see how much you have accomplished, and you can see how much you have left to do. I’m also somebody who likes deadlines. As such, I look forward to primary and general elections, because that’s when winners and losers are decided.

Yet, if you’re Bob Vander Plaats the rules don’t apply. So I guess you could say that Vander Plaats is kind of like Chuck Norris. You know what I’m talking about, things like, “When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.”

With that in mind, I’m asking for your help to make a list of Bob Vander Plaats facts. I’ll get us started.

1. There are 128 days until the General Election, unless you are Bob Vander Plaats, because the only election that matters is the one where you are declared the winner.

2. Like Terry Branstad, Bob Vander Plaats has never lost an election. Instead, Vander Plaats just allowed the establishment candidates for the past 10 years to have their name on the November ballot out of kindness.

3. Bob Vander Plaats does not campaign because the word campaigning infers the probability of failure. Bob Vander Plaats is a winner and winners have to win.

4. Primary elections were originally created to keep Bob Vander Plaats from winning the Republican nomination. It failed miserably.

5. Candidates pay thousand of dollars to advertise on WHO Radio, when Bob Vander Plaats speaks, WHO carries it live, for FREE.

6. Bob Vander Plaats struggled in math, that’s why 41% is now greater than 50%, just because he said so.

OK, it’s your turn now.

About the Author

Krusty Konservative
Herschel Krustofski is the pseudonym for the anonymous author of Krusty Konservative, a blog which focuses on Iowa Politics. Created in February of 2006, Krusty Konservative is the undisputed heavyweight champion of the Iowa blogosphere. Since its conception, Krusty Konservative has never shied from tackling controversial issues, and providing insight to the inner workings of Republican politics in Iowa.

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