June 2nd, 2010

Krusty’s Gubernatorial Voter Guide

With the June 8th Primary just days away, I thought I would help out all of the undecided (sarcasm) voters who read this website by providing them with a voter guide. The voter guide below contains the pertinent information one needs before they cast their vote.

Today we focus on the race for governor.

Terry E. Branstad – Served as Governor of Iowa for 16 years. During his time in office, Ronald Reagan was President of the United States, the Chicago Bears won the Super Bowl, MTV was launched, Apple unveiled its Macintosh computer, and Microsoft created something called Windows. I’m shocked we have not seen a TV ad about this yet.

Robert L. Vander Plaats – He is the Iowa version of William Jennings Bryan, a perennial politician who each time he ran for president, he lost by a larger margin. During his 2002 campaign, movies like The Lord of the Rings – The Two Towers, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, One Hour Photo, and Road to Prediction were box office hits. OK, maybe not One Hour Photo… In 2006, we were treated to movies such as Failure to Launch, Déjà vu, and V for Vendetta. Hmmmm, kinda interesting.

Rod A. Roberts – Seriously, I don’t know how to handle this one. I mean how can you poke fun at such a nice guy?

Roberts has treated the Republican primary for governor like it’s a junior high dance. You know what I’m talking about. Roberts is the kid at the dance waiting for the right opportunity to ask the girl of his dreams to dance. Then the moment arises, it’s probably the last slow dance of the night, and he begins to walk towards her. As he approaches, some jock (Branstad) takes the girl to the dance floor.

Disappointed, he scans the room, sets his eyes on a pleasant girl who is nice but… you know, is not the cat’s meow. He begins his approach again, only to have one of his friends (Bob Vander Plaats) beat him to her. Moral of the story – Nice guys don’t finish last, they just miss their opportunities sometimes because they are too cautious.

Governor Chester J. Culver – Since being elected the 41st Governor of Iowa, Culver has raised taxes, increased spending, and plunged the state into debt. His administration is renowned for incompetence and scandal. The unemployment rate is near record highs. Culver’s greatest accomplishment is allowing gay marriages in Iowa and endorsing the homosexual lifestyle after campaigning as a Christian in 2006.

Have ideas for by U.S. Senate Voter Guide? Email me at [email protected]

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About the Author

Krusty Konservative
Herschel Krustofski is the pseudonym for the anonymous author of Krusty Konservative, a blog which focuses on Iowa Politics. Created in February of 2006, Krusty Konservative is the undisputed heavyweight champion of the Iowa blogosphere. Since its conception, Krusty Konservative has never shied from tackling controversial issues, and providing insight to the inner workings of Republican politics in Iowa.

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