September 22nd, 2010

Dear John…

How many times does John McCain need to publicly break up with the Iowa Caucuses?

Listen up you tiny crotchety old man, WE DON’T CARE that you think the caucuses are irrelevant.  Seriously, does anybody really think that the guy who basically skipped Iowa TWICE would think otherwise?

New Hampshire bailed out McCain in both of his presidential campaigns.  We all know that McCain’s all-in New Hampshire strategy worked in 2008, but let’s not forget that it failed in 2000 when he lost the nomination to Bush.

Furthermore, the only reason why it worked in 2008 is because he was running against a bunch of pansies who felt sorry for him after his $100 million campaign imploded because it’s fundraising couldn’t match its expenditures.  Gosh John, sound like your campaign has something in common with the Obama Administration.  Had Mitt Romney, Mike Huckabee, or Fred Thompson had the wherewithal to end you when they had the chance, one of them would have been the Republican nominee instead of your sorry a$$.

Since you insist on kicking the Iowa caucuses in the nuts again, I think its only appropriate to once again explain why Iowa was so difficult for you.  The reason New Hampshire loves John McCain is because they are willing to buy your moderate, compromising, crap that you have been selling all these years.  Face it John, if you were a real conservative, you would love a place like Iowa.

Let’s see John, you’re weak on social issues.  You were weak on immigration until you had a primary challenge this year.  You wilted in the midst of the financial meltdown in the fall of 2008, when Americans needed a real leader.  Plus you hate ethanol and like to remind us about it.

You know John, had you actually won the presidency your opinion would matter.  Instead you got your clock cleaned by Obama.  So thanks to you, and your sorry attempt of a national campaign, I now get to pay for things like Obama Care, Cap and Trade, Bailouts, and Numerous Stimulus Packages.

Thanks a lot and please just go away.


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About the Author

Krusty Konservative

Herschel Krustofski is the pseudonym for the anonymous author of Krusty Konservative, a blog which focuses on Iowa Politics. Created in February of 2006, Krusty Konservative is the undisputed heavyweight champion of the Iowa blogosphere. Since its conception, Krusty Konservative has never shied from tackling controversial issues, and providing insight to the inner workings of Republican politics in Iowa.

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